The True Meaning of a Marriage

Our wedding was magical.

Now, we are LDS and we were married (also known as being "sealed") in one of the Church's magnificent Temples. While there is a great significance in a sealing that I will probably write about later, it was still the beginning to our lives together. It was our legal and lawful wedding.

The whole day we greeted guests that came from all around the United States, took loads of pictures, held a luncheon, a ring ceremony (more details later), and the final reception. We danced, we shook hands, we ate delicious cookies, we awed at the decorations that our family came up with, etc. etc. And honestly, I don't remember a thing looking back on it. If it wasn't for our pictures, I don't think I would remember much at all.

Ever since, we have been living as "husband and wife". And it hasn't even been two years yet. However, one of my best friends from college is getting married next week! Also, one of my sisters-in-law is at the point of her relationship where they are trying to decide to get married or call it off. I remember that point... it was taxing. As I thought more about these important people in my life and their big choices coming up, it had me reminiscing on all the things I have learned about marriage.

It is not always a storybook ending.

It is not always joy and butterflies and getting lost in each others' eyes.

It is not always easy.

Here are a few things I have learned from my wonderful husband and our life together.

1. You will continue to learn things about each other. Something about us it that we did not live together until our wedding night. We did not engage in sexual intimacy until our wedding night. There's a saying I heard once that goes something like, "A man marries a woman expecting her not to change, a woman marries a man expecting him to change. What they discover is that the man doesn't change and that the woman does change." While this is humorous to me, I don't think it's true.  I have learned a lot about my dear husband. For example, he comes from a big family and when he gets his cereal in the morning he leaves the box out, thinking someone else in the family will get it and take care of it. Well, it's just me now and I usually eat before him. Also, I learned that I am a slob compared to him. Basically, be prepared to learn both good and not so good things about your new spouse for the rest of your life.

2. It is not the end, it is simply the beginning. When I was dating, I was so anxious to find Mr. Right and start my new life with him. I have since discovered that really, everything I was doing up until my wedding day, we preparing me for the rest of my life. I believe it is part of our purpose in life to get married, have a family, and teach them to follow God. Everything I did before was preparing me for that: the other relationships I was in, the major I was studying, the jobs I took, the friends I had, the way I handled struggles and rejection and choices. I was preparing to be the best wife I could, and that made all the difference because my wedding day was the beginning of the rest of my life.

3. You will have to communicate and make sacrifices. The wife is not always right. Both parties need to be heard and appreciated. I quickly learned that when I hurt Josh, it took him an hour or so to communicate with me what happened and that drove me nuts. He was more passive that I thought he was. I also had to learn what I did that hurt my dear husband in order for me to communicate and not be hurtful. There were some angry nights in the first year of our marriage simply because we had to learn how each other communicated. Not just, "how did your day go?" but "how does it make you feel when I do this? Honestly?". I have also sacrificed screen time right before bed because we made the decision to go to bed together every night. Sometimes that means one of us stays up later waiting for the other to get home (within reason, of course) or if one of us doesn't work the next day, we go to bed with them anyway. It's done wonders.

4. There is no such thing as a "soulmate". Some of you may not agree with me on this one, and that's okay. I was taught this before I got married and honestly, there is truth in it. In reality, you could marry anyone and make it work if you both are willing to work at it. Not ideal, but it's possible. Now, I do believe that there are better matches for us than others, absolutely. But when I started dating a guy and it was going well, I started asking myself if I could see myself with him and if I would be willing to work with him, sacrifice for him, and serve him everyday. Granted, Josh was everything I ever wanted but it is still work, and it is the greatest work.

5. The "lovey-dovey" stuff might fade, . Your infatuation, the butterflies, the excitement, it will might disappear. Do not fear! Some people believe that when that stops, you don't feel like this is the person for you. I'm here to say that is simply not true. Ask your parents, ask another couple that has been married for several years and I bet they will tell you something similar. Honestly, there have been days where I have not been Josh's favorite person and he has not been mine. But we still love each other. We make that choice every day. Love isn't a feeling, it is an action.

6. Marriage is making a choice, every single day. Which leads me to this final point. Marriage isn't about falling in love and living happily ever after. Marriage is a relationship that requires work like any other. It requires you to work with your chosen companion. It requires you that through the good times and the bad, to put your spouse first, over work, over friends, over hobbies, even over the family you left, because this relationship is now the most important one you have now. If you can choose your spouse first every day, you will have a happy, blissful marriage and the years will get sweeter with time.

________________________________________

I want to tell a story. It is about my husband and how he understands how a marriage works.

Josh is an intern at a successful engineering firm. He has a lot of projects that he has to get done daily and works late hours after school every week day to get them done. He is also the most frugal person you will ever meet. He is not cheap, but when there is time to save some hard-earned cash, he will do it.

The other day, my previous employer basically fired me. There is a long story behind that, and I feel like it was unfair of them for several reasons, but for the point of this story I will leave it at that. It was noon, and Josh's work was 10 minutes away. I drove over there just sobbing and told him what had happened. He comforted me, stayed with me as long as I needed, despite having piles of projects on his desk. Once I felt okay to drive home, he walked back inside and I was expecting him around 6 that night. Not even 20 minutes after I walked into our home, he walked right in behind me. He decided to come home to be with me. He chose ME over his WORK. All day, he did things I wanted to do, or just sat there in silence when I had nothing to say. I didn't feel like cooking, so he took me out to my favorite restaurant and let me get whatever I wanted. He chose ME over his FRUGALITY. So some these things may be small, but to me that meant everything. Josh knows what a marriage is all about. And he figured it out at 24 years old.

________________________________________

What does your marriage mean to you? What other things have you learned from being married?

Believe to Achieve

“I believe in myself. I do not mean to say this with egotism. But I believe in my capacity and in your capacity to do good, to make some contribution to the society of which we are a part, and to grow and develop. I believe in the principle that I can make a difference in this world, be it ever so small."

 –President Gordon B. Hinckley

Truth.

Pornography: What to do when it finds you

If you are around social media, there is a movement going around with statements like"Porn Kills Love" and the like. The pornography epidemic is serious and has gotten worse in recent years. Porn kills love, yes, but more specifically it kills relationships, families, children, marriages; everything that builds our communities. As we destroy these sacred relationships, we are destroying our community. It's a horrible, vicious cycle!

The porn industry makes over $13 billion per year; that is more than the NFL, NBA, and MLB combined. 90% of children first viewed porn as 8-16 years old, mostly while doing homework! The average age children first view porn is 11. ELEVEN. This is a serious issue.

It is no secret that I am a member of the LDS Church. I absolutely love my faith and embrace its teachings. The Church recently released this video:

It is fantastic! It is geared towards children, but we really should embrace it ourselves as adults! It gives the following advice in order to avoid the evils of pornography:

1. Call it what it is.

A lot of times we won't recognize fully what we are seeing. We can lie to ourselves and say a pornographic image is justified because it's human, it's a part of a movie and I don't want to miss any part of the plot, or even "it makes me feel good, and I am still a good person after watching it. Why should I change when I'm stronger than that?" In reality, yes, we have our free will to act for ourselves and to control our actions and even our thoughts. However, the truth is we are always affected by our surroundings regardless of how "strong" we are. When we learn to call pornography exactly what it is, we are that much closer to beating it.

2. Turn it off or turn away.

Like the children in the video describe, these images can make us curious, even if we know it is bad. We are human, simple as that. It takes a lot of courage to shut our laptops down, turn off our phones, turn off the TV, and walk away. The faster you decide to do this, the easier it will get for you. Make the decision before it even happens to close out and walk away. Go as far as deleting apps that frequently give you pornographic images or blocking certain websites.

3. Talk to a trusted adult (spouse, friend, parent, Church leader like your Bishop)

This might seem silly to adults. Maybe we feel ashamed that we were put in that situation. Maybe we even think we are fine because we did the first steps. Josh and I make a point to avoid pornography in every sense of the word. We have turned off movies before because of a sex scene or even a scene that eludes to something inappropriate. It's so important to us as a couple to be pure and faithful to each other that we don't take this lightly. If you are married, talk to your spouse about a plan and what actions you will take to avoid these situations. If you're not married, make a list and commit to yourself what you will do when that time comes.


I can't emphasize enough how important it is to kill pornography before it kills us from the inside out. You may think it's nothing to be concerned about, but it is real, it is scary, and we need to take control of our lives.

What else can we do to avoid allowing porn into our lives?

The Blessing of Rain

It is monsoon season here in Northern Utah. While it is a blessing to be working, I longed to watch the pouring rain I heard on the roof above me. I watched out of the corner of my eye for bursts of lightning and relished in the mighty power of the thunder. It got me thinking about a time where I was caught in the rain, over 5 years ago. Back then I was much more of a writer.

_____________________________________________

"Sometimes, getting caught in the rain is the best blessing.

After my eight to nine thirty AM class, I find myself driving towards the Rigby building, hoping not to be late for my appointment. The closest parking spot was clear up the road, past the Ag. Engineering building. I pull in, put it in park, and kill the engine. It's been a crazy day as far as weather goes here in Rexburg. Overcast, dark clouds hang overhead and you can hear the roaring of the wind gusts through the trees, against buildings, and rushing past your head. It had been raining early, too. Because I was clear up the road, I had a while to walk until I would reach the Rigby. As I start to look around, I can't help but think "it sure isn't very pretty right now". Dead grass is in front of all the buildings, no sun or blue sky, the trees are bare and everything was cold, wet, and mushy. I did, however, notice the smallest patches of green grass throughout the lawns on campus. When they did show up, they were small and they were insignificant, but they were pure, and they were definitely there.

After my appointment, I glanced out the window and made a comment to the mentor about how heavy it was raining. He wished me off well and I made my way down to the door. Before I opened it, I just stopped and sighed a heavy sigh. It was raining cats and dogs (wherever that expression comes from) and the wind was so powerful the rain was slanted. Think of a classic rain storm off of some movie - that's what I was staring at. I didn't have a hood, nor was I dressed in very warm clothes. I had a peacoat on over a skirt, tights, flats, and button-up shirt. I started my long voyage to the car.

I think about 30 seconds into the weather, it looked like I had just gotten out of a pool; my hair was drenched and sticky, my mascara was running down my cheeks, and my face was pink due to the cold air. My clothes had turned a darker shade because they were now holding water. At one point it felt like I had a brain freeze since the wind and water were so cold against my forehead. I kept glancing up to see if my car was in sight yet, and while I couldn't see it I knew it was there. I kept walking.

Just then, I realized something. Those green patches gave me hope. They were there for a reason. Those green patches were potential. Those green patches, if situations would better, would overcome the dead all around them. The rain was a trial, where often a lot of times, people take it for granted. All they see is the darkness of the clouds, the uncomfortable feelings of the rain, and the lack of life on the earth. I had lost my hope for a second. I forgot how beautiful rain can be. Rain can be a lot to deal with sometimes. We can get lost because our hair got ruined and our perfect little image is tainted, or we feel cold because we didn't prepare ourselves for the trials we should always expect. Trivial things such as those shouldn't matter.

And so I stopped. I looked up at the sky and felt the drops hit and run down my face. I breathed in the freshness of it all and I smiled, remembering how pure and blessed we are to have rain in our lives.

Through the rain, the green patches were still there. Through the trials, the potential is still there. It is up to us to decide what we do with what we're given.

And after the rain, we see the final product of life. That green will grow. We just have to stay on the right path."

_________________________________________________

Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. I have had a hard trial recently. I am hoping for opportunities but they may not happen, at least not now. I am hoping to changes circumstances but they may not want to. I am hoping to find more of life, but I may be looking in the wrong direction.

Rain is one of those things; we need it, despite our intentions and desires to avoid it.